Today I realized that even as we grow, those around us do not. Age does not make us more intelligent or even more weary of how to treat others. It’s only after we hurt and deal with certain situations in our lives do we realize that we need to treat people with a certain kind of respect. We don’t do it for them, we do it because it makes us better human beings.
Last week I hooked up with a guy who I genuinely thought was ‘nice’. I’ve known of him for years but never really reached out to engage in conversation until last month. So we got together and I thought he was god sent!! Not sexually because to be honest I felt he lacked a bit of experience but as a person. I got to his place after work and he let me take a long shower, he washed all my clothes and in the morning he even took me to breakfast. Fuck I thought, I could work with this! I could definitely help him improve sexually and was willing to overlook that for being such a nice guy.
But boy was I wrong!!
My issue right now is why did I misjudge him. Am I so fucked up that the first guy who comes with ‘game’ is able to so easily deceive me? I know that my id still seeks to find companionship in some way or form. I know I would like to have a constant in my life that is more than just the sexual component but how did I misread him so much?
Since last week (despite my leaving for 3 days on a Caribbean getaway) I have not spent any time with him. Normally it’s not a big deal but we work the same hours and he is 5 minutes away from my job! I would think that he would seek me out at least for the sexual component.
I honestly think I’m out of touch with the world of men sometimes……
You walk through the door and I’m patiently waiting on the floor for your entry. The impatience within to see it, hold it, caress it and taste it is overwhelming. It’s been over a month since I last saw you and I’ve died a million slow deaths without your cock. I’m on my knees and you slide your fingers against my face as you stand in front of me. I lean in to your hand as my hands slowly open up your belt, open up your pants and reach in to pull your cock out. It’s already hard because you know what’s coming. I see the grin plastered all over your face. You know that I’m about to devour you whole.
You lean against the desk in the room and wait. My mouth opens wide and I take the entire head in. My need for the smell and taste has no mercy. You look down on me as I slide my entire mouth down to the base. I slide back up and the air gives way to a sensation as it hits your shaft. Your hands now grasp the desk that’s behind you and I can see that you want this just as bad. I slide down once more to the base and the unadulterated groan that escapes you makes my pussy gush with wetness. My hands come up and like a symphony plays with your balls at the right vibration and pressure. The words ‘fuck me’ escape your lips and now my face holds a grin despite having your cock shoved all the way down my throat.
I take my time, licking the undershaft, sucking the head, savoring every bit of skin and engulfing it down my throats to the point of breathlessness. You haven’t touched me since you walked in from fear I’ll stop and I see it in your eyes. I know you want to take over and take control. I stare at you and say ‘do your worst’. You gather my hair from my nape and bundle it in your hand while the other hand wraps around my neck. You restrain my breathing and at the same time make sure I’m gagging from the depth you’ve pushed my head down your cock. The saliva drops from my mouth when you allow air to flow again, and then again you restrict my breathing. I am in awe of your dominance and I welcome and embrace it.
I continue my assault on your cock with my lips and tongue. You lose yourself in the moment and while still holding my hair you release your deathly grip of my neck and surrender to the feelings. Your neck falls back and the low growl is enough to tell me that I have you close and almost at the precipice. I strengthen the pull and the suction in my mouth and then grab your ass. I pull you deeper into my face as if it were at all possible. You look down directly in my eyes and I see your emotions plastered everywhere. You can’t hold back and I look back at you giving you and making you feel the assurance that I’m not going to stop. Both of your hands come to my head and the rumble that stirs from within your throat becomes a strong and loud growl and you pump your cock releasing your venom down my throat ……
I wake up and there you are staring at me. I stare back for a minute or so and you get up on your knees. My pussy is sore from last nights fuck session and still filled with your orgasmic milky explosions. You pull my legs towards you and I’m scared of the pain my poor pussy is about to experience. I welcome the pain despite my fear and I yearn for it. You bring my legs around your waist and your head comes up to my breasts. You ask me if I’m going to be a good girl and take it. I nod my head up and down and bite my lower lip. You take your thumb and come up to my face and place it next to my mouth. Your eyes are ignited with fire; a fire that needs to be put out. You know my pussy is the only thing with the juices needed to calm the fire within you. As your thumb slides inside my mouth your dick proceeds to do the same inside my pussy.
My mouth opens wide from the breathlessness, the intense pain and pleasure mixed together as one. I’m in pain and I don’t care because I want it so bad. You pull back out and give me a devilish grin and with no recourse start pounding inside me. I’m falling into an abyss and my senses are so heightened. The pain is ever consuming but I want it, I welcome it. The pleasure is building inside and I know my orgasm is imminent. You come down and suck on my left nipple, it’s taking me over the edge but not quite. I moan loud and you slide out.
I look at you in disbelief and you give me that killer grin again. Your finger gives me that come here twitch and I get up and get on all fours. It’s my lips you want now on that gorgeous cock and I’m more than willing despite being denied my orgasm. I’m more than happy to play this game of delayed gratification. I slide my lips right over the head. It’s all wet from my juices and I realize how savoring my pussy is. I slide my lips all the way to the base and retreat again to the head. I can hear you moaning and cursing all at the same time. You attempt to grab my head and I grab your arms and push you off balance. You were not expecting that and I’m able to gain some control of your body as I push your torso down. Your hands come back up to my head but I push them down, pinning them at the sides. I know you can get loose but I’m ecstatic that you allow me to play.
My head is moving up and down and my sucked in cheeks are creating a friction I can only imagine you are loving. You push my left hand out of the way and grab the back of my head as you lift it up. You come up and kiss me feverishly and I swear I’m going to come from the assault your tongue gives my tongue. We are both on our knees at this point and with one quick swipe I am under you again with my legs wide open.
You whisper in my ear how you love to taste my own pussy on my lips. I smile and with no warning your dick is sliding in with force and no regard. You are pumping into me hard and fast and I can’t think, I can’t breathe and I can only feel and let go. Our eyes are locked and you can feel the pulsing in my vagina indicating I’m about to orgasm. It takes you over the edge and before I realize it, I’m so far gone. Your moans in my ear are the last thing I hear before I pass out from the ever intense shared orgasm.
There’s a peace that comes from within when you reach a place you’ve longed for. You might think I speak of some inner zen but the truth is, sexual release is what gives me this peace. Sexual release on a level I feel I can get with you, it’s a place where you and I have just touched the surface.
With you I can explore, dive in, play, create, allow and just be myself sexually. Sometimes you seek a person hoping to connect on a mental level but in a physical aspect and you never find it. Connecting with someone mentally when it comes to sex is a different level of sex in and of itself. I finally feel like I can reach new heights and orgasmic blisses with you. I’ve searched so long for someone to want to play and discover with me.
I don’t seek a friend, I don’t seek nuance or trivial conversations, I don’t care for daily routines; none of those things I care about or matter to me. But that sexual connection that we have to experiment, try and play is what I want; it’s what I need and yearn for. It’s this physical desire that touches you mentally but only for the sake of achieving the ultimate sexual high….
It’s almost 8 and I’m struggling to sleep. You sense my agitation and spoon my body towards yours in bed. I welcome the warmth your body provides. I nestle my ass to your already swollen cock. I’m not fully awake but not fully asleep. Your right hand reaches over and cups my right breast. It feels soft and full in comparison to your rough calloused hands and my body welcomes it. Your fingers put pressure on my nipple and my eyes open wide. You can’t see my facial expressions but the breath that escapes my mouth is very audible. Your teeth scrape my neck all the way to my right shoulder as your assault on my nipple continues. The intensity is building in between my legs from your nipple rubbing and my breathing is turning into short gasps which begin to turn into low moans. Your biting into my shoulder and the pain from your teeth with the sensation from my breast is overwhelming. You know my breasts are highly sensitive and your intention is to bring me to the edge. Your right hand moves up to my shoulder and you push it down as your upper body slides up from behind me. We lock eyes as your lips begin a further assault on my right breast. Your lips are tugging, your tongue soothing and your teeth pressuring and biting my nipple. The building sensation inside of me feels like a water dam ready to be released or cracked open from the pressure. Your movements on my nipple are methodical and calculated. My moans are so loud because now, your biting is hard and the sensation is paralyzing. We stare at each other as your hand travels down to my underwear. Your eyes never leaving mine and your teeth still clamped on my nipple. You slide your fingers in between now my soaking wet folds and you spare no mercy on my clit. ‘Fuck baby you are soaking wet’ and I close my eyes from the deep feeling in the back of my spine and you demandingly follow with ‘keep them open and look at me’. I feel the dam about to burst open when my eyes close again and you say ‘eyes open NOW’ ever so demanding. Your middle finger on my clit is playing a masterful piece of music and I’m going deep into a black abyss. My body is so far gone and what seems like an eternity has only been but maybe a few minutes. The water is seeping through the cracks of the dam and now you whisper in my ear ‘cum all over my hand beautiful but keep looking at me’. My moans complete your symphony as the orgasm breaks through and your fingers begin a different assault on my pussy….
Later tonight I will see him again. Two weeks to the last time I was hypnotized by his amazing sexual skills. I knew he would be good just never imagined he would beyond surpass that. I never imagined that he would be utterly amazing and almost perfect.
I reach out to him in small talk and sometimes hours and days pass before I hear back from him. He doesn’t understand that I don’t care about his feelings per se. I don’t want to talk about how your day was or how is work treating you. I don’t care what you had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I don’t care if you have plans and are going somewhere. I don’t care about you at all. What I do care about is keeping this flame inside of me alive. I want to flirt with you on the phone, hear you say what you’re thinking of sexually. I want to know the things that you would like me to do to you. I want you to keep me wet during the day with just your words.
In the beginning my method didn’t work. Perhaps I enjoyed our silly flirting too much but what I wanted as an end result was always the same; him inside of me tearing up my pussy. Men confuse women trying to interact with them as women seeking something more and that’s not the case. A women just likes to talk about sex (well some do). I like to engage and get turned on by words. I want to fantasize and men mistake that for other nonsense. I want the interaction for purely sexual purposes; hear all the dirty things in your mind and allow me to visualize it throughout the day….
Humans need to learn to communicate better.
I lay here at work because I’m stuck until tomorrow, long story but instead of working my regular afternoon shift I have to work in the day time.
I’m thinking of C.O. and Mr. Crossfit guy. C.O. was who I was looking forward to spending time with this summer. We hit it off and he appeared to be on the same page as me. The sex was fucking awesome and he was even loving and attentive. What I wasn’t expecting was his soap opera of a life ruining my plans with him. Long story short he is taken but his girlfriend had a medical issue where she doesn’t even know who he is to her. What the fuck you might say, yeah trust me I’m right there with you. He’s giving it 2 more years to see if she gets better and then he’s calling it quits. I can’t compete with that. That’s next level love which frankly I’ve given up on. I don’t want love. I want fun but with no responsibilities. Sex with no attachment and conversation with no depth. Yes I’m crazy, but crazy is my middle name.
Mr. Crossfit guy is just a bag of disaster. I like to engage and talk about nothing and everything sexual. You retain my attention that way. Mr. Crossfit doesn’t engage, doesn’t reply half the time to messages and is so absent he might as well not even exist. It’s quite childish but a child he is. Except in bed, in bed he is truly a king! His sex is fucking exquisite and so mind blowing. He def made my top three of all time and I almost considered giving him the number one spot but his character makes me want to keep him in spot 3 for now.
Just needed to vent. Going to try and sleep.