Later tonight I will see him again. Two weeks to the last time I was hypnotized by his amazing sexual skills. I knew he would be good just never imagined he would beyond surpass that. I never imagined that he would be utterly amazing and almost perfect.
I reach out to him in small talk and sometimes hours and days pass before I hear back from him. He doesn’t understand that I don’t care about his feelings per se. I don’t want to talk about how your day was or how is work treating you. I don’t care what you had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I don’t care if you have plans and are going somewhere. I don’t care about you at all. What I do care about is keeping this flame inside of me alive. I want to flirt with you on the phone, hear you say what you’re thinking of sexually. I want to know the things that you would like me to do to you. I want you to keep me wet during the day with just your words.
In the beginning my method didn’t work. Perhaps I enjoyed our silly flirting too much but what I wanted as an end result was always the same; him inside of me tearing up my pussy. Men confuse women trying to interact with them as women seeking something more and that’s not the case. A women just likes to talk about sex (well some do). I like to engage and get turned on by words. I want to fantasize and men mistake that for other nonsense. I want the interaction for purely sexual purposes; hear all the dirty things in your mind and allow me to visualize it throughout the day….
Humans need to learn to communicate better.
In life people cross your path to leave an imprint sometimes negative and other times positive. He was different and I now know why. Despite his situation I wish someone would love me and be committed to me the way he is with her. He’s caring for her because she is sick despite the fact that she doesn’t remember him. But that will never happen. I’m successful, own my home and car but I’m not worthy of anyone’s love. It’s just not in the cards for me. Successful women never get the good men. Truth is the losers and crazies always get the good men and then they tear them down to have them now hate women or simply treat women differently. C. O. could have been a great summer fling but now he is just another booty call. 4/22
The sensation returns to the pit of my stomach. I close my eyes and I try to replay so many details. I remember so many and yet it was so much in one day, many details escape me. I remember the 69 with him on top because he was fucking my mouth. I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t care. He was trying to grind into me and I was trying to gain control with much difficult. My hands were on his ass and I was relishing in total desire and satisfaction.
His smell is something that’s embedded in my nostrils. God he smelled so fucking good it was like I wanted to inhale him. When he came on my stomach, I spread my fingers over it to taste and and I couldn’t believe how good he tasted. Full disclosure I hate that taste but I just knew it would be different with him and it was. Fuck I want him again so fucking bad.
I’ve had so many countless lovers and somehow he’s made his way to the top of that long list. I never thought that possible. 5 orgasms in one day, how can I not crown him the best ever. His hands so methodical and his mouth so full of tender caresses all over my body, his manhood guided by his skillful fucking of women. A god in all descript yet still just a man.
I lay here at work because I’m stuck until tomorrow, long story but instead of working my regular afternoon shift I have to work in the day time.
I’m thinking of C.O. and Mr. Crossfit guy. C.O. was who I was looking forward to spending time with this summer. We hit it off and he appeared to be on the same page as me. The sex was fucking awesome and he was even loving and attentive. What I wasn’t expecting was his soap opera of a life ruining my plans with him. Long story short he is taken but his girlfriend had a medical issue where she doesn’t even know who he is to her. What the fuck you might say, yeah trust me I’m right there with you. He’s giving it 2 more years to see if she gets better and then he’s calling it quits. I can’t compete with that. That’s next level love which frankly I’ve given up on. I don’t want love. I want fun but with no responsibilities. Sex with no attachment and conversation with no depth. Yes I’m crazy, but crazy is my middle name.
Mr. Crossfit guy is just a bag of disaster. I like to engage and talk about nothing and everything sexual. You retain my attention that way. Mr. Crossfit doesn’t engage, doesn’t reply half the time to messages and is so absent he might as well not even exist. It’s quite childish but a child he is. Except in bed, in bed he is truly a king! His sex is fucking exquisite and so mind blowing. He def made my top three of all time and I almost considered giving him the number one spot but his character makes me want to keep him in spot 3 for now.
Just needed to vent. Going to try and sleep.
My tongue swirls around your head slowly. I look up as my lips close around it. I watch you as your eyes roll back and close slowly. It’s an immediate turn on for me and a push to continue my descent upon your shaft. I let the saliva slide down the side of your penis and some of it gets on my fingers that are wrapped around your huge manhood. I lick my fingers and twirl the tongue back on to your shaft. I go back up to the head and begin my descent once again. Such a beautiful and massive piece that tastes oh so delicious. My lips slide down leaving a slippery slope to assist in my glide. I can hear your moans which sound so intoxicating to my ears. I want to hear more. I open my lips slightly wider and close them again on your cock but closer to the base. The smell invades me and I can feel my pussy getting wetter. I want to inhale your cock. The head hits the back of my throat and you push ever so slightly. My gag reflex hits me and I don’t care because I want to give you that intense sensation. I push a little further down until my breathing is obstructed. I come up slightly for air and descend once again. I love the overwhelming feeling of power it gives me. I come back up and slide my tongue the entire way there. You grab my head and pull me close to kiss you. We engage in a short but sexually charged kiss. It awakens me even more and I didn’t think that possible.
So I went out last night with my friend. I don’t venture out much in my neighborhood because frankly I don’t know many people. I like my solitude a bit too much, except when it comes to men. I am well aware that I have a problem. I dare say it’s an addiction of sorts. I love men. When they are new in my life it’s like a part of me wakes up. Problem is that it happens ALL THE TIME!!! I can’t help it really and I don’t want to. I love kissing someone for the first time especially if the guy is a good kisser. It’s like you can disappear for a while behind the kiss and all the feelings it awakens in you. I love it when a man touches me for the first time and the attraction is insane. Yes I am aware that it probably happens to a lot of people but I love that feeling. It’s a feeling of hope and want. Few years back I would have jumped the guy and made him my boyfriend but the truth is I don’t want anyone. I don’t want a boyfriend that is. What my body craves is sex and only sex. I want to connect with someone but only in a sexual capacity. Am I a nymphomaniac? I don’t know to be honest. I know that my sexual conquests probably put me in the category of being one. Also because I can’t remember how many men I’ve slept with and it’s way more than 100.
So back to my initial story. I went on out last night and gave a chaste kiss to a security guard because he was 7’1″, I mean I was so sexually curious as to how we would fit together. I’m only 4’11” so you can imagine that my mind was in sorts of how this man could put me in insane positions. I was also so curious about his penis size so I gave him a kiss and left my number with him. I hope he calls.
I also met another guy who was accompanied by the guy who was interested in my friend. He was sexy as fuck in a plain sort of way. He had a great mustache and beard and his smile was insane. He kept putting his finger on my thigh and I made it my business to touch him every chance I got! I was imagining what his body looked like under his clothes. At one point I thought he was going to take his shirt off and fuck if I didn’t get all anxious just waiting. Ugh I’m such a slut I swear.
That’s my problem right there. I’ll probably never speak to that 7 foot security guard again and it’s unfortunate but the other guy I know for sure I will be sleeping with. Which brings me to my next issue. I’ve been on a mission to get in shape and lighten my body everywhere and including all my intimate areas. I’m trying to lighten my knees, toes, elbows, anus, thighs between my vagina and my underarms. Yes I need to lighten these areas because I feel they look unattractive to the male species. I know it’s a bit extreme but it will make me feel better. Losing weight also would make me look more attractive because let’s face it I would look sexier in bed and being on top when riding a guy naked.
#Thoughts #Sex #Men #SexualRelationships #Nympho #Nymphomaniac #AnalBleaching #SkinBleaching #LosingWeight
This post I wrote as I was on a plane returning to NY. It was written on 04/03/17 around 1am.
THOUGHTS ON A PLANE
In life we encounter so many people that are sometimes simply just passing trough, others remain in a permanent fashion and there are those that remain in a limbo of sorts. They come and go every so often but never are truly far away from us. We fail to truly classify them because perhaps at one point wanted for them to remain and were not able to truly ever have them remain in our lives. The older we get we learn to disassociate ourselves from even those that we want to keep close. It’s like a wall we build up so that no one can get through it mentally. The pain we experience in our lives allow for us to create a detached mode within ourselves. I barely know him (junior) and yet by him allowing me into his private life he’s made me wonder if I could indeed allow someone into my life as he has allowed me into his.
I closed my door even when I was last involved with someone. My ex actually made me see that I could truly detach while still being very much present. In another time of my life I would have been all over Junior and just for the physical because that what I do best, but I see within me how much I have changed. I can become physical with anyone and not form an emotional bond. Is that bad necessarily maybe yes and maybe no.
#DefenseMechanism #Life #NoEmotions #NoEmotionalBonds #JustSex #JustPhysical
Having a partner/significant other does not complete anyone because it’s just a false sense of worth similar to what social media is to many. Love isn’t real. It’s a trap to make you waste more money for endless holidays, book unnecessary trips with people you will be stuck with for days, wasted gasoline visiting family and friends to introduce this person. I mean I could go on and on. All I want is sex. Pure, unadultered and no boundaries sex. Is that too much to ask for. I want a baby and I wish I could find a man (no strings attached) that could have sex with me on my fertile days. I’ve looked and I can’t find any. But besides that how about just good old fashion fucking! Jesus what does a girl have to do to get laid?!! #sexless #stressed #NeedSexLikeINeedAir #IHaveAProblem #AddictedToSex #Nympho #Nymphomaniac
A few weeks can change a person so drastically. I experienced a heartbreaking ordeal in 2016 which would forever change the woman I had become. I wanted love and a home with a white picket fence and maybe a dog with a big family but God looked down at me and laughed. I did everything right in life except maybe I was always too independent. I was always in charge but it was because deep down I wanted a man to see what an asset as a woman I was. It backfired on me. I got a career, a home, a car yet I live alone with no one but my shadow. Men don’t want me because I can’t give them children and I’m just not a ‘girl’. I’m too aggressive I’ve been told. It’s crazy how one day you feel you are doing everything right and when you look back you realize you did everything wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have aspired for so much and then maybe I would have been more marketable for a man. The truth is that i no longer care. All I want today in life is to find men that will give me physical pleasure and be content with just that. #Loveless #FuckLove #MenWantWeakWomen #ImTooAggressive #FuckMen #IonlyNeedTemporaryWarmth #LoveIsOverRated
I need to vent and maybe the world will embrace my pain and help me heal. I never reach out instead I internalize everything. Perhaps this will teach me to talk…